Sunday, November 9, 2014


Choronzon is my heart.
"Trust it," he says,
Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

Until you are weak.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

a billion years from now

i could hear this song a thousand times.
a thousand years from now, i'll be someone else completely.
i watched you from the rooftop
like the tallest light post that just stands still.
you couldn't see me.
it was dark and i was somewhere up above you.
was i god, or a sniper?
my perspective reaches farther than all your daily routes.
i came by like a breeze barely noticed-
nudity underneath one's clothing.
things that are always there but unseen.
like time and all the fragments that pull us together and back apart again
only to draw us into collision.
i'll be andromeda jumping into the arms of the milky way galaxy.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

a knife without a blade

a year to let go, to pass us by
is a knife without a blade.
a year to miss and reminisce
drunken forlorn,
it doesn't matter.
a year to perceive 
our own reflection.
creation, addictions, separation.
the choices we've made,
to punish with no comfort.
lovers without their other.

how much have you accomplished?
in chaos, have you found silence?
what is beautiful to you now?

a year to go out, to get it all out.
to do all the things i needed to do.
to purge whatever i've consumed-
a year,
if we would have made it through.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013


My dearest Hadit,
The space you project pulls me into you like a black hole whose darkness I cannot escape; 

A light beyond light and all comprehension, Ain Soph Aur.

Omnipotent being, giver and taker of life. Oh! Have mercy upon me! 

For I AM Nuit and as your wife, I know no boundaries. My eyes and ears are but great deceivers in this fallible world.I know not what is presented to me; for it is alien to love at such a distance. I reject the present, for I know it not, as you reject the past and future, as your state know it not. And yet, you are my present, and I am both your past and futures. It is the triad of the 2, and in it, infinity- the number 8, there you find the Center to which 11 leads. And the path is contradiction, Tao. For there is only one path, one center, and we come from opposite directions.

You- the All, and I- None, meet at the Center. We are in the flesh, cloaked, with a large marker below our feet; it is a pentacle, The Ace of Pentacles. A totem of love and celebration. It represents the balanced forces of nature; the elements which I possess, and Spirit, which you are. For you are the desire that burn's in every man's heart, and I the Heart itself.

Ruach ha'Kodesh.

"Do what thou Wilt shall be the whole of the Law. "
"Love is the Law..."
"Love under will."

And it is so.

We drink of the Holy Grail. I watch you. Your eyes are my only light. They shine upon me like the Heavens within my body that only you can enter.

For, my sweetest Hadit, my journey is as long as your earthly foolish pride, and temptation only exists in your presence. It exits my being as chaos, out of my mouth and into your cup, piercing the veil like a dagger, ripping apart the cold dead flesh of a maiden's virgin body.

Teach me not to destroy, my love, nor to be destroyed by the break of silence. For I have been food for the vultures and insects below me. Patience is a ruthless killer in time.  My heart, won't you be gentle? Must you be so strict in teaching me mastery that it causes me to forget who I am? I therefore ask of you, my lord, to swallow whole the scavengers that dare invade my body, for I AM alive, and for better or worse, it is yours.

Monday, July 1, 2013


My heart beats.
So heavy, it sinks.
I drown
in a sea of memory.
I miss you.
I begin to feel accursed,
for the choices i've made haunt my every day.
without you, i can see where i'm going..
i can see it all.
i love you like a silent gun,
without bullets anyway.
i've made too many mistakes, 
you were never one of them.
no, you're the scar that reminds me 
of all the errors i'm guilty of instead.

forgive myself.
forgive myself.

i held the gun for you,
your hand in mine,
held it up to my chest-
blasted me away.
ripped into shreds,
i'm still hurting. 


i'm torn without you.

Monday, May 13, 2013

the lovers: two united but distinct

i watched you watch me from afar. white light came to me like a loyal servant whose name i called, willing and ready, piercing through my being, showing me who truly is master. the light was my own and yet it came from you as if you live on a star. i stood in the center of an 8 spoke wheel and walked what i thought was a familiar path, only to find you manifest before me in all your glory, illuminating me with your strict judgment, putting me to shame for my lack of faith. i disgusted myself, for i fear your greatness. And i held on to the image of your face unable to cross the abyss without it, for it would have been our annihilation and i'm much too fond of you to leave you for you...

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Chaos Magick and 11:11 Excerpt from Book 6: LVF // LVX

"...and i can't help but feel that all the ships are assigned by him, that star, that shines and speaks like no other. i see that star in his eye. and when he looked at me, with such intensity that night, it was as if all time stopped. all i could see was a beauty; a terrible, terrifying beauty, a trembling fear, and the twinkling of that star."

Chaos Magick and 11:11
Excerpt from Book 6; LVF // LVX

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Dearest 11,

I AM 11.
The story of Forever.
The Lovers begin their journey.
A beautiful garden. Innocence and youth.
Doubt grows on trees, and I eat of it, we eat of it.
Bound by Karma, the Devil,
I fall unconscious.
I'm awake in this offshoot of life;
it's a Spell.

The Fool must recall, or else he's accursed.
I break the chains,
make my way
towards the Sun,
my will.
It's a dream within a dream.
Transcending this illusion, surely makes us gods.

It's as if aeons have passed,
yet, its been but a day.
The stars remind us of the roles we've played.
But there is a link, called 2 of Disks
it defines our bond,
beyond time, we exist.

And my body lay comatose.
suspended in space
for a sin I did commit,
truly, a Lack of Faith.
and She repeats herself in guises,
but its always the same.
It's what I must transcend,
the idea of pain,
to be worthy of such perfect love
once again.
777, 93 leading the way.

I say unto thee, 11th degree:
'To learn and unlearn one's own faith through me:
And, 'What is Love?'
To prove Eros is as selfless when led by Agape,
for they are One and this is their bond,
this magickal feat that brings us here.
It's a calling many hear but few follow;
It is victory found in defeat.
Therein lies the key.
Is what we see.
We see it in each other,
For we are mirrors.
The connection between The Moon and High Priestess is mine.
It measures the beginning and end of time.
For I attain the Hermit, and he, My Sun.
Transcendence, the alchemical wedding is cure.

Destiny our souls fulfill,
that which leads us is glory;
True Will.
Have faith in Other, and we find within Ourselves
Our Oneness.

Part II:

And when I saw your mark
the flood gates opened,
memory poured through me
coiling up my spine
extending out like Tesla's light,
remembering everything,
everything in time.

You are Hadit,
my habibi forever.
The Holy Ghost who moves me.
You are the embodiment of my love and fear,
the fire of my desire,
the reason for all Being;
My subconscious, and the unconscious made conscious.
I'm beginning to remember,
we're only in my mind.
Therefore, wake me with a quantum kiss
where there is no time.

Liber LVF; LVX

Saturday, February 16, 2013


my car died.
i was stalled for 2 hours
and yet, there you were.
the work of a cosmic conspiracy.
a higher form of magick that is beyond me.

and i hesitate for a moment
before i walk into the co-creation dream.
im always unsure.
we're both always shook.
our wills, they have a mind of their own.
we manifest one another
but nothing ever changes. 
we still can't face each other.

our conscious is chaotic.
you are my desire and fear incarnate.
my dream and my shadow.
i'm getting to know you on a different level.
you're closer to me than ever
pretending to be strangers.
it sometimes makes it difficult,
remembering time and space.
a tantric dance fueled by the same but opposite natures-
learning the virtues of patience and strength;
the meaning of true love.
it's a passion that creates gammas;
that look in your eyes.
i want to jump in there and kiss you,
let the stars read our story.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


yesterday's memories wash ashore like today's dreams on a harbor.
they crash unto my being like hard slaps;
waves of reality
move me at the core.
penetrating my soul
like an astral projection.
i see you're really good at that.

countdown from ten.
still hypnotized,
floating above the waters.
i see where the ocean meets the sun;
where the sun meets the land.
it was sundown and the sky was pink.

do you remember?
remember the time we got married?
you gave me away to yourself in a dream we both had.
we woke up happy.

i casted you out to sea for that pearl in your eyes.
it's lost somewhere between the depths and the skies.
it's got my promise on it.
your promise is my veil,
recalling your love like an echo around my finger.